PCOTY 2016: The Road

MY jetlagged brain is playing tricks on me. Last week I was whipping through misty snow-capped granite peaks, shamrock-green hillsides and rolling pine forests in the north of Germany. But this is Victoria, and the scene is exactly the same.

It’s a postcard-perfect early spring day, though the heavy clouds to the south belie the forecast of a brutal cold front sweeping up across our PCOTY fleet. It’s a real mix of price points, ability and agility this year, and one that, despite first appearances, is very likely to end in an argument around the pizzeria table on the last night.

Ignore the paint, though, as it’s the least of the Pug’s party tricks on the open road. Wider rubber, a Torsen front slipper, wider track and tweaked suspension give this 208 a more robust, tied-down feel than its regular brethen.

At the other end of the scale lies the new Holden Commodore VF II SS V Redline. I say ‘new’ as the paint was literally still drying on our test example, and Editor Dylan instructs the more social-media savvy among us (not so much Cockburn and Morley, then) not to include it in any sort of Snapchat action. Ahem.

The same cannot be said for the Ford Falcon XR8. Again, a monster motor is deemed appropriate; this time, a supercharged 5.0-litre V8 takes pride of place under the power bulge.

Day 2: Taming the Mount (Buffalo)

“So we’ll roll out at exactly 8.30am,” says Dylan over dinner the previous night. “Make sure you’re on time!” So at exactly 9.24am, the PCOTY fleet rolls out on the Alpine Way, towards the Victorian Alps.

The run up to Mount Buffalo, I’m told, is a bit of a cracker, so I sidle over early to the Jaguar F-Type to stake a claim. And oh boy, I pick right.

Trusting the front end to find grip, feeding in throttle earlier and earlier then pushing in the mat invokes an effect akin to being shot from a howitzer, with a noise to suit. It’s utterly intoxicating and totally addictive. The Jag soaks it up, too; it’s a willing companion that coaxes you into more mischief, but won’t punish you for being too ham-fisted or footed.

The F-Type’s driving mode adjuster can be customised from the centre console, so in a quiet moment, I change the damper settings from dynamic to normal. The change is marked and the F-Type is instantly softer and more pliable over the sharper rolls and undulations of this cold-ravaged road, keying into the rough tarmac like a lump of large, fast Blu-Tack.

Heart in throat? Check. Wind in hair? Check. Being thrown from side to side, ever fearful you’ll be thrown off, but knowing deep down you won’t be? Check. What a blast. What. A. Blast. This little car is such a ray of talented sunshine. Out of the box, its manners and its attitude are so close to spot on, it’s not funny. With heated seats and a howling gale of warmth from the vents, I’m comfortable even in -5°C temperatures, too.

Day 3: Halfway to Hotham

It’s a multi-faceted haul up yet more sinuous alpine roads towards Mount Hotham, where temperature gauges drop into low single digits. It’s cold enough to pay heed to grip levels on the damp sections of road, with several cars warning of icy negative outcomes.

Trying to explore the AMG GT S’s limits today, too, proves frustrating and illuminating in equal measure. No doubt there is immense ability here, but in order to exploit it, you are asking a lot of yourself and the conditions.

The 911 GT3, too, displays its ‘take-it-or-leave-it’ side on the run home. It’s always on point and, if you’re up for it, its on-road performance is from another dimension. Such depth of ability! How is this thing not turbocharged? So much pace, so much mid-corner speed!

The ridiculously-named Renault Sport Megane RS275 Trophy-R is a late arrival, but it has quickly wormed its way into several hearts with its insanely tactile chassis. The chassis is made even better by the deduction of unsprung weight via alloy hubs and lighter wheels, and the addition of a seriously tricky diff. I’m not convinced, though.

A run up the mountains, though, breaks my heart – such is the sublime ability lurking within. The ageing Megane has always been a MOTOR favourite, and this final iteration brings it all together in fitting style. Laser-rivalling turn-in, astonishing power-down and unfathomable levels of mechanical grip are only let down by the laggy turbomotor, though the slightly short gearing helps it out of a hole here.

Its interior, too, is off – the seats sit too high, the roof sits too low and the console between the seats sits very tall. The fingerpad arrangement, too, is batting a thousand in this age of swipe pads and Apple CarPlay – it’s hard to use in motion and feels decidedly unnatural.

Lots of things have been omitted from the car – multiple seat adjustments, radar cruise, heated seats – in what we can only assume is an exercise in power management. But, despite being specced like a mid-level 3-Series, the i8’s touring credentials are sound, with its rock-solid CFRP chassis nicely complemented by well-tuned springs and dampers.