My young next-door neighbour has a passion-pink Suzuki Jimny and she loves it. Every time I see her driving it, she has a giant infectious smile on her face.

Me? I always smile and wave back, because it’s nice to be polite. But I have always swerved around her car of choice.

If I was scoring the Suzuki as a road test car, it would get a resounding zero. And not just for the colourful wrap that added an extra $3000 to her bill for the tiny toy car.

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The Jimny might be a cult car for some people in Australia, but it fails on so many fronts. It is silly-small, the starting price is a whack from $31,990 for the basic three-door up to a sucker punch $44,990 for the Rhino ‘flagship’, the performance is miserable, it’s noisy and uncomfortable at highway speeds, and I’d hate to be driving one if a pick-up truck broke through a stop sign.

Yes, it’s a fun toy. And it’s easy to park. And it’s light on fuel. And it looks like a scaled-down Mercedes G-wagon or a scaled-up Tonka toy. But you can hire a Mario Kart and drive the streets of Tokyo without ever wanting to own one as a daily driver in Australia.

Why am I getting amped-up about the Jimny? Because so many people have forgotten what cars are about and how we should score them.

A person called me the other day with an enthusiastic rant about something from one of the new disruptor brands. He was buying it because it was cheap and had a great sunroof. Sorry? What?

He had given no thought to the basics of motoring, starting with travelling from A to Z, then including comfort, quietness, space, equipment, performance, driving enjoyment, parking, economy, servicing and resale value.

In the past I’ve driven a few cars that scored a genuine zero after a road test. There was the miserable Suzuki X90 from the 1990s, the dangerously nasty Holden Piazza turbo from the 1980s, and a Peugeot 505 turbo-diesel.

I’m still not sure where Suzuki was aiming with the fake off-road two-seater X90, Holden only allowed one road test (mine) before the evil handling of the Piazza meant it was ‘retired’ from the press fleet, and the lovely ’pug had an unlovely three-speed auto that meant the engine was turning at close to 4000 revs at highway cruising speeds.

More recently, there have been cars that barely trouble the scoreboard if you think seriously about their ability to fulfil the needs of owners.

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Toyota is getting credit for creating a fully battery-electric HiLux, but no-one in the real world would buy one. It’s super-short on range and can’t tow. It barely manages a four out of 10, but picks up an extra point for the T badge on the front.

There must be people who would crave and love the Porsche Taycan Turbo with Weissach Package, a battery-fuelled road rocket than can rearrange your internal organs with a 2.2-second explosion to 100km/h. But it’s a four-door luxury limo where the rear seats have been replaced by carbon-fibre panelling to save 75 kilograms, it arrived with Cadbury purple paintwork, and the price tag was more than $400,000.

Not me. I would rate it as a two. Still, it was fun… for about 10 minutes.

So, looking to more ordinary cars (driving enthusiasts would likely prefer the word ‘mundane’), most seem to be stuck in the 7/10 range. Nothing special, not horrible, okay for the money.

But that’s not what genuine buyers – people spending their own money – want to know. Road testers need to score like Kyle Sandilands on that talent show.

Would you recommend a car to your mother? Or your best friend?

My mate Mark has always been my personal benchmark. Mark’s garage starts at a 1950s Daimler with Jaguar MkII bodywork and a 2.5-litre V8 engine, continues with a 144 Volvo and 1980s Nissan 300ZX, to a Mitsubishi Lancer and a recent Toyota RAV4.

He enjoys driving but demands rock-solid reliability – don’t mention the Daimler or the Zed – and a car which gets on with the job. He hates touchscreens and intrusive driver-assistance systems.

So, thinking of ‘The Minder’ – his nickname – my scoring always starts at a zero and awards points for success beyond the basics. Very few get beyond a proper seven. Many new models should be scored in the 5-7 range, at best. And would you want to own one in five years’ time?

But there is the new Honda Prelude coupe, a genuinely lovely new two-door hybrid from a company which is back to building very, very good cars. It’s a nine for mine.

This story first appeared in the October 2026 issue of Wheels magazine, now on sale. Subscribe here and gain access to 12 issues for $109 plus online access to every Wheels issue since 1953.