What do Christian Louboutin, Marilyn Monroe’s lips, Baywatch, Coca-Cola and Ferrari all have in common?
It has come to my attention that red is totally my colour. In fact, red is universally every woman’s colour. Science says so.
You’ve probably heard of the red dress effect – a phenomenon in which a red dress can alter the way a woman is perceived, usually by men. Now, before you all start dragging your cursor to the ‘contact us’ page, ready to vilify me for objecting women, hear a sister out. This effect has something to do with colour psychology – blue and black or white and gold; must we revisit this irritating event of 2015 when a dress left the world divided?
Red really is a great colour – it’s the colour of blood and fire, and symbolises power, strength, passion, love and sex… oh stop it, you’re making me blush. Red lipstick, red lingerie, red nail polish; ‘nuff said. But hey, there’s a new kid in town and it’s here to paint the town, well, red. Yep a bloody red car, what a beaut.
Ok, so I never thought I’d end up here, writing a column comparing a red dress to a red car, however, I’m here to tell you that those people from Loompaland who live in a lab, testing the effect of the colour red, to never again cast their eyes upon a pretty turquoise or coquelicot, were on to something. And it’s really, really, big you guys.
I recently went away with an Toyota FJ Cruiser. I have a bit of a crush on the FJ as a 4WD – as someone who is impartial to exploring the greater world beyond the city, the FJ is one of my favourite things to drive on all four-wheels (that means a 4WD). But, send me to one of the most spectacular 4WD destinations in Australia, hand me the keys to an FJ and paint it a beautiful, vibrant ruby and you’ll make this driver one pretty happy chick.
Driving a big car, like a 4WD, brings with it a sense of power – you know, that’s why all the important people drive one, like Dennis Rodman and the ugly unique custom Hummer the internet says was his (seriously, Google it, it’ll make you cry). Similarly, some women have found wearing scarlet spikes their confidence. So, when you merge the two together, you should theoretically get some kind of practical Batmobile, right? Well, not quite, but close. Driving around an island off the shores of north Queensland in the red FJ brought with it a new lease on life. Sure, it may have been the awesomeness of the location, but there was just something about driving around in the only red vehicle that made me feel more important than Tywin Lannister (Game of Thrones reference there for all you readers who don't know who he is. Catch up).
Ok, so red doesn’t disguise everything. The FJ Cruiser still looks like the ugly duckling of the 4WD world, resembling more of a Tonka Truck than your standard off-roader. And no amount of crimson could disguise the vehicles’ blind spots, which seem to be more of an issue when around suburbia than off-road anyway. All that aside, though, it looks good, so, like, whatever, critics. Not to mention that when you’re in the middle of a stunningly-leafy rainforests, red and green are a complimentary colours so the photos look ace.
As you may remember from my previous column on the The Jeep Wrangler Blackhawk, pink was saaah my colour during my younger years when I was more excited about a pair of sparkly plastic shoes than a power-pump. But these days, I’m thinking a red car might be up there on my wish list right next to a free subscription to Netflix, an endless supply of chocolate, and a body like Jessica Alba.
Maybe it’s not a very scientific argument afterall, and I should probably try and get an exclusive interview with the Oompa Loompa red-scientists to re-focus my point, but hey, I still think red is a pretty rad colour and one you should definitely consider on your next purchase. And if that’s not convincing enough then I’ll leave you with this mind-blowing theory: maybe, just maybe, Dorothy’s ruby slippers were just a metaphor for a Red FJ Cruiser because let’s be honest, if she had an FJ, she probably could have driven home a helluva lot quicker than waiting a whole hour and half to learn to click her heels together and magically return home. Nuffy.